I miss my friend ;_;

Rant.

People like me are not supposed to be existing in this world. And by existing, I mean it in the same context as the adage "If a tree falls in the middle of the forest with no one around, does it make a sound?" I say this to myself, realizing that I am one of those people, if there is anyone else out there like me (doubtful), that does not exist in the minds of others, has not a mind that co-exists freely with the minds of other people in this world.

Maybe just in this society, I'm like that, but I've made such excuses before. I tend not to be one others choose to engage with, regardless of environment. I could immediately leap into a million and ten self-conscious reasons why this might be, but that's not the aim of this journal. All I really wanna say is that I'm understanding how a person such as myself will never be - although this sounds self-deprecating - accepted by others. Every bit of me, my mind, my humor, my appearance, my philosophy, my morals, my standards, my perspective. I'm truly not cut out for regular socialization or assimilation into normal society.

It's saddening, but it's also uplifting. It's saddening because I'll forever be lonely and be unable to shake the fact that perhaps I'm just good enough for no one, and then I'll get myself into a depressed rut, one I've been stuck in many times before, and I'll constantly go over every single self-conscious point I already assured I wouldn't delve into. It's uplifting because it's a relief, almost, knowing that I don't -have- to face the people if I was made not to. I am a completely independent person, and happiness flows best in my lonesome. Not to mention the feeling of superiority I feel that's quite liberating.

I should spend my life delving into philosophy and ideas that keep my thinking freely alone, likely contributing to my insanity (an insanity claimed by others for lack of a better term for everything I've described thusfar). A beautiful intention if not taking into account my -fickleness- involving that beautiful insanity. That, and the fact that I have not yet even accurately described what that feeling even is, if others experience such a thing, though I've come close with interesting theories. How I'd love to understand my mind!

アメリカ人は素敵をだよ

Il y a un idée qu'éxiste dans mon éspirit qui dicte ce phrase «tout le monde est une personne égoïste qui n'a pas le temps pour l'action de crée un monde imaginatif.» Si c'est un idée stupide, je ne soigne pas, pour, vous voyez, ce phrase a été prouvé. Mon... copain, vous voyez, est malheureusement l'un de ces peuples. Ah, maintenent il n'a pas de visage de égoïstique, mais.... sa problemme est differente. C'est assez stupide, en fait. C'est très simple: il me parle trop beaucoup. Ouais. Parce-que je le deteste quand les peuples me parle, malheureusement! Alors, j'ai pensé que je ne suis pas adapté pour un relation. Mais ce n'est pas tout. Vous voyez, il est aussi très grand. :| Trop grand. Et j'aime petit. Je sortirais avec un homme plus petit que moi. Pas TROP petit, donc.

Je dois l'écrire en français parce-que de la chance que il le voit. :)

The Rules:

+ list 11 things you want to say to 11 different people.
+ don't say who they pertain to.
+ feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
+ never discuss it again.

( The People )

I wish I wasn't so introverted, I might then welcome other people into my life and KEEP them there. It's obviously because I'm quiet, or when I'm not, I say the wrong thing. Either way, people eventually end up forgetting about me. I suppose because that process is engraved in my script, I don't tend to stick with others for too long, maybe or maybe not I'm subconsciously certain I'll be forgotten about. I know it's my fault; I can only be an exciting person when I have the energy for it. My activity is directed towards work done alone, and I've always been that way. Again, I wish I wasn't so introverted. Then maybe I could be more assertive and direct others attention more towards me, or maybe if I just knew what to say most of them, I would say it and make an impression. I have a feeling many don't have an impression on me.

On a different note, I hate those fuckers who think that because I don't say much, I'm a weak person, and they assume they can do and say all the fuck they want to me. They don't know who they are.

Finally, I don't know if my creative streak is gone, or I'm just fucking pissed to no end that my brother took a knife to my video game disc. Whenever I get into this mood, I feel I have literally no self-worth. Okay, this is turning into a srsly personal journal.

You know, I think I might be used to feeling like the stupid one even if I'm not stupid-stupid. So that when I see someone less quick-witted than I, I hate them. It's all her fault, but at least I've been desensitized.

I do like assuming different personalities, though. Aaand it propels me into mindlessness. As has this. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm an idiot. It's true, I'm just an idiot.

I look better when I'm thinner. To be Beatrix, I'm gonna try to lose 10 pounds.

I drew this.... extraordinary lineart of what Bea's costume should look like in the hour block of art class today.

Front, back, wig style, arm armor, shoe armor, under-leotard, and rose insignia. I should post it later.

Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts: I'm debating in my mind which KH game I prefer... The first game has that sweet innocence, but the second game is much more epic.
Kingdom Hearts: Re:CoM: AHA! RE:COM! The answer to all my prayers!! I absolutely loved this game. Probably because of the Riku part~ 'Tis now my favorite KH game.
Kingdom Hearts 2: Gud game, gud game. I just bought a lovely Roxas plushie, and he's sitting right here on my bed next to me. <3
Birth by Sleep: This game looks pretty epic! It probably won't be out for a long time, though. :(
358/2 Days: So I WAS excited about this game until a number of things happened. 1) Nomura said it was gonna be really short, and 2) Xion is now officially The Game. So now I'm like ugh.

Final Fantasy
Final Fantasy: So I got this game on the PSP just for kicks because it IS, you know, the first Final Fantasy. I've only picked it up once so far, though, blasted other games to beat....
Final Fantasy II: PALAMECIA PALAMECIA PALAMECIA. Have my babies plz. :B :B Haw~ HALF an inside joke. :B <3<3<3 Er, anyway, I like this game so far. It's short, it's simple, but it has a very nice and pleasant vibe.
Final Fantasy III: So... it looks like I'm going to HAVE to buy this game on the DS, sigh. Hello, Luneth. This game and FFIV are the only ones I've yet to buy.
Final Fantasy IV: I got this game on the DS, but for the first time EVER, I had to return it based solely on how much I hated the graphics. I'm not usually like that, but for some reason I just.... couldn't play this game with those hideous, choppy, disgusting DS bubbles. I'm going to buy it again on the GBA eventually.
Final Fantasy V: Ahawlihaw, Butz is my hero. <3 I have it on PS1 with Anthologies, but I'd rather buy it for GBA just because Dr. Tot said the dialogue is a lot better. From what she said, though, this game is supposed to be amazing.
Final Fantasy VI: ALMOST. DONE. No, really. In fact, I COULD waltz straight up to Kefka right now if I didn't wanna level up a bit more first. Gawd, I love this game. 2nd favorite after FFIX.
Final Fantasy VII: I love this game too... Tot and I were playing it again yesterday, and we got to the crossdressing part. Best. Scene. Ever. In. FF.
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children: MOTHER!!!!!!!!!! I got a Kadaj plushie too~ :D <3
Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus: The only thing I liked about this game was Shelke. She was kuhl.
Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core: 3rd favorite game after IX and VI! Not to mention I fucking love Zack. Hm, I seem to "love" a lot of Final Fantasy characters....
Final Fantasy VII: Last Order: Cute Cloud and Zack. But Clack is whack.
Final Fantasy VIII: Sigh. Still stuck on Adel. I don't like this game. :C The only redeeming quality of this game is Squall. <3
Final Fantasy IX: KUJA KUJA KUJA KUJA Have my babies plz. :B My favorite Final Fantasy.
Final Fantasy X: I've decided. I despise this game. It isn't at all good. I hate it all. Nothing good about it. It's all bad. No good. All bad. Suck.
Final Fantasy XII: DONE. AW MAN. See, I used to hate this game until I finished it and now I realize that I really really loved that game.
Final Fantasy XIII: I hope this game is good..... It looks like it might be kind of boring. :/
Final Fantasy Versus XIII: This game looks amazing, though!! Noct already looks like a pwn character.
Final Fantasy Agito XIII: Wut? No.
Dissidia Final Fantasy: SO. EXCITED. DO. WANT. But we won't be getting it until July-ish. :C


Oh, right. Happy Easter.

That one's me.

This one's Ansem.



From this site:

http://www.tektek.org/dream/

So......

I thought I might as well update this with something that's not spam or .gifs or memes. Do you think someone should name their daughters Svidge and Midge? Therefore, I've decided to compile a list of places that entertain me more in my day than this simple, lowly hovel. LJ is just for checking my friend's pages, which notifies me on simple things like Dissidia and other Final Fantasy-related news, anti-twilight fandom crack, and random mediocre cosplays. (And Elyse Sewell, bless her soul.)

So I don't look like some kind of worthless bum, I'm going to PROOVE to myself, and YOU, the people, in turn, that I do most of my blogging/thinking on my DeviantArt. Why? Why blog on an art site? Well, I'll assure you that I participate in the intended purpose of dA -- art -- and I have a good collection of chums who support me!! In case you haven't noticed, NO ONE reads this. So why the fuck bother?

For whomever's viewing pleasure this tickles: QuietCrazyness4 is my dA name.

Have I ever mentioned that I do also roleplay? Yes, and on Facebook, as unprofessional as that sounds. But I gotta admit, FB is fucking fun to roleplay on. People there are good! And friendly! And I've actually made a total of *counts...* sixteen friends who either live in Canada or England! I be branching out, ya see.

Anyway, I roleplay Kefka on Facebook. (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1368584930&ref=profile) (WTF, it won't make me make links)

There. I've redeemed myself.

Um. Hi, Tam and Amey.

...

DAYUMN I love this icon. Guess who it is. It's Kuja. *GIGGLE* *GIGGLEFACE* Oh, this is what his giggleface looks like:


Sexy.



Oh lawd, Kuja makes me loins quiver and me mouth titter. <3<3<3<3<3 I wish all men sported such angelic facial qualities~

( AWESOME GIFS )
FREAKING ADDICTING

I have two different lives. Two different faces, two different personalities, almost. One I expose to those I know on Facebook, those whom I roleplay with. And then... the other one, the one I guess is the real one.

Luhawlilawlz, the real one, I say.

But they've been blending. Kinda freakin' me out, ya see. Where has my life gone?

I must remind myself that my mind will return soon. It comes and goes in bursts, goes out to lunch for a little while (thanks, Vivi), but it'll return. It has specific circumstances, requirements, that need to be fulfilled for my wonderful mind to return to me.

I'm afraid Facebook roleplaying is dampering my creative senses. But stop? And lose all those friends? (Which friends? Ah, yes: Kyo, Tam, Arienne, Kim, and Amey. Those friends.)
Sacrifices involving friendships are hard for us anti-socials.

I need to constantly remind myself that life is simple. I must live life simply and seperately.

YAY, new pretty layout! >:3

I dunno if I like Eiko or Vivi better.

But Kuja and Zidane definitely dominate FFIX.

Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts: Ugh, Kingdom Hearts seems so inferior to FF now.
Kingdom Hearts: CoM: When the fuck am I ever going to play this game?
Kingdom Hearts 2: Yeeeeeeeeap.
Birth by Sleep: This game looks ruthah interesting.
358/2 Days: This game looks..... less interesting now. :(

FFVII Compilation
Final Fantasy VII: This game has been TOPPED!
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children: Yeah, yeah.
Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus: I wonder if I'll ever replay this.
Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core: AMAZING GAME!
Final Fantasy VII: Last Order: :D

Other Final Fantasy
Final Fantasy III: I want to buy this on DS!
Final Fantasy IV: I REALLY want to buy this when it comes out for DS! :D
Final Fantasy VI: GOT IT FOR GBA! This game is..... not living up to the hype. It's more like my backup relaxing game. :)
Final Fantasy VIII: UGHH STUPID ADEL! I'm oh-so close, yet oh-so far.
Final Fantasy IX: *deep breath* HOLY SHIT! WHO KNEW THIS GAME WOULD BE SO FUCKING AMAZING?!!!!!! KUJA = LOVE!!! <3<3
Final Fantasy X: Replay...
Final Fantasy XII: You know, this game makes me feel better when I'm in my belljar.
Final Fantasy XIII: This game looks amazing!!
Final Fantasy XIII: Versus: So does this one!!
Final Fantasy: Dissidia: *another deep breath* BUT THIS ONE LOOKS THE BEST!

There will eventually be 53246 updates, methinks.

Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts: I wanna replay to see the FFVII peeps again in... a NEW light!
Kingdom Hearts: CoM: Not too enthusiastic. Plus, it's not even mine. I steal it from a friend every so often.
Kingdom Hearts 2: Yay for OrgXIII love!
Birth by Sleep: Can't wait!
358/2 Days: CAN'T WAIT EVEN MORE!!!

FFVII Compilation
Final Fantasy VII: *deep breath* OMGOMGWTFBBQ BEST GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children: My mom's friend actually bought this for me last week!! No more Youtube viewings!
Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus: My friend is borrowing it now. I wonder how long it'll take before she's handing it back to me in anguish at it's suckiness.
Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core: FOUR DAYS!! I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!
Final Fantasy VII: Last Order: AWW! Widdle Cloud was soo CUTE!!

Other Final Fantasy
Final Fantasy VI: WOAH! Who'd ever've thunk THIS game would be on here? I don't have a SNES, but I'm watching the "official walkthrough" on Youtube. :D It's pretty sweet, I must say!
Final Fantasy VIII: Um...... I started it. I... don't.. really.. like.. it.
Final Fantasy IX: I'm waiting to finish X and VIII before starting this one.
Final Fantasy X: Okay.. I'm not ACTUALLY done with this game.. but pretty damn close! I'm stuck on stupid Seymour Flux. >O
Final Fantasy XII: Lawlz. I might return to this game after I'm done with ALL of the above^^^. I don't even remember where I last left off. Some kind of mining cave that lots o' ppl warned me about cuz it's dangerous or sumthin..

Look, I'm sorry I have to do this........

U ys aspyhhyccehkmo upcaccat fedr Vehym Vyhdyco mydamo. In case you didn't know, this language is called "Al-Bhed." E vaal drec bimcehk inka du bnyldela "Al-Bhed" vun cusa naycuh. Dra drehk ec.. nekrd huf E's muugehk uvv y dnyhcmydan. E ghuf... E's lraydehk. Pid, cmufmo yht cinmo, E femm maynh dra fyoc. Pameaja ed un hud, E ymnayto ghyv xieda y ped uv drec myhkiyka. E drehg dra gao du maymnehk ed ec du sasinowa dra jufamc vencd.

YAY!
I FEEL LIKE AN UBER NERD NOW!! BUT HELL, AL-BHED TOTLEH BEATS OUT KLINGON ANY DAY!

God. I'm so fucking mad. I never write in this shit journal anymore.

I need everyone to die. Not everyone, though, just stupid people, which will quickly divide the earth's population by at least 3/4. My family will die. Nearly my entire school will die. No. The entire school. Hell, I doubt if anyone I know would be left.

I don't mean stupid, as in low IQ. I mean stupid as in conformist, senseless, unwise, unenlightened. People who don't think and have no sense of fucking individuality or sense of self. Oh god. The standards are too high. There would be no one except for me, my friend, and maybe a couple French artists and Buddhist monks.

That means you, too, people of Livejournal. All of you are fucking idiots. You dirty the world, clogging up the pores of nature and creative thought processes.

If every idiot dies, then maybe we can start over as a humanity. Fix our flaws from our past life. Lead simplistic, yet futuristic new lives. Maybe we can learn how to breathe (with all the idiots gone, that means no more global warming or pollution!).

I picture a dark, clean world. Dark, yes, for there would be no supercities causing the sky to light up even in the dead of night. It would be a beautiful world. Creative pulses would flow through our bodies. We'd still be the dominant species, and yet with a fewer number, we'd have a smaller effect on the wild. Can you imagine? Overgrown buildings. Trees evvvverywhere.

Look, I'm no environmentalist, but can you honestly imagine how beautiful life would be?

Huh. This rant has, in fact, made me feel better.

:)

IIIIIIIIIIIII GOOOOOOOOOOOOOT FFVII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And not only is it the best game I've ever played (as cliche as that is), but it's also the funniest, most rape-filled, cuss-filled, GANGSTA-filled game I've ever played!

Yes, I renamed Barret: Gangsta! GOD DAMN! Where's Marlene, fool?! I'mma BEAT yo' skinny white asss! Chuckle-bunches!

Wedge is totleh Pence's dad! They go rolly-pollying down to Tifa's bar every Saturday, where they eat eat eat and then enter AVALANCHE's hideout! The hideout: a group of chairs pulled together with a blanket pulled overtop. Plus the sign, "NO GIRLZ ALLOWED."

Ohh... too many inside jokes created today to relive...

A good day it's been. :)